I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
