I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it's like heaven, but drunker
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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