i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
