I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
