apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
