In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
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Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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