She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
