my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
