On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
