The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
