Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
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There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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