And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
