Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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