it's not cheating when I paid for it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
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found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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