I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
