I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
