Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
