Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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