Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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