oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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