I just saw a hot homeless man
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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