dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
