I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
