you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
