last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
