It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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