I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
