there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
