I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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