the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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