I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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