remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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