i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
