Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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