Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
