she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
