tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize