I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
