My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There r osticjed everywhere
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
