so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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