I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
