I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
