My balls are so social today.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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