so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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