Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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