whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
