It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
