i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
