I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
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In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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