i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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