Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
