Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
