My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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