remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
