Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
