she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
