toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
meet me or not, i'm out of control
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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