I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
