What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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