Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can you bring me the toilet please
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
