i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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