I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
