In the future we'll all be gay
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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