All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
