I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
