brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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