Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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