I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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